Saturday, April 12, 2014

RAMBLINGS: Departures and a grey Saturday.

Today means that I am down to the remaining month of my (extended) education. God knows how bleeding long I have waited for this. (Okay. Just to interject, my front door just swung open, by itself. It's the wind right? RIGHT?!?) This journey has been so much more than I bargained for, not just in terms of school but also, in my own personal life. (Okay, the door just swung shut. And now, it's slowly swinging open.) I'm getting fiercely protective of my own independence now and I wonder if I will die alone.(The leaves outside are swaying. It's definitely the wind.)

But anyway, this morning I woke up with thoughts of departure and no, it isn't the first time that I realized. But each time the fog of those thoughts starts taking shape, I buried it with life. So I guess, this is quite possibly the first time that I'm properly thinking about it before it actually happens? Departures are going to be 'my thing' now. It started out with 3 months last year, graduating to 10 weeks (Or a year? Let it be a year please.) this year and eventually, it's going to be a 2-year cycle (Or one and a half.).

I love what I'm doing (I still have so much to work on though. :\ So incredibly thankful to have such a splendid mentor!) but I wonder if it's going to be too emotionally draining. I don't want to be numbed to departures because I refuse to accept them as a way of life. But fact is, they are a way of life. In whichever profession you are in, in whatever that you are doing in your life. Just that mine's going to be a regular cycle.

Sigh pie. I still remember my previous class so vividly and sometimes it gets a little 'difficult' sitting in the classroom that we used to be in and knowing that the little moments won't happen again (I know, I'm very melodramatic.). And I really want to be able to help them when the big As come. Even now, actually. And when I think about my 2 current classes, I kinda just want to bawl my eyes out really badly. Like now. I'm SUCH a girl, damnit. *buries head*

It makes me wonder how thick a line I should draw between this being just a job or something that is so, so much more. And if this is going to be so, so much more, what is going to happen to my own life? Another story for another morose day. This, can never be just a job. Okay, the grey Saturday is doing my head in. Seriously. May 9th, whether I like it or not, will come eventually and I will deal with it... Eventually. For now, I'll just rack my brains for ways to make Math easy.

And really, I can choose to look at the whole situation from a completely different angle. They are growing up, are moving on to the next chapter of JC life and becoming more independent, thinking, mature and responsible along the way. They are going to be MORE than awesome. *beams* #myclassesareTHEbest #nooneelse

Am currently feeling like such a Mother Hen. Or a Sister Hen. Mmhmm.

Also, am feeling very glad and relieved that I didn't go into nursing... Or dentistry (Epic failure. Still feeling thoroughly embarrassed. Most bimbo-tic moment of my life. In front of 3 friggin' professionals. Thinking about it makes me cringe. Ground, swallow me up. NOW.).


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