Friday, May 19, 2017

RAMBLINGS: 28 and still not quite sure.

I have been feeling 'lost' for a very long time now. In fact, ever since school ended, I feel like I have been 'floating about'. School was easy because everything was planned for you. You completed this level, took an exam and moved on to the next. Some people hated how rigid and boring that was but adulthood seems to have too much freedom for me. I enjoy my job but that's about it. It's just a job (I'm not talking about the relationships/ friendships that come out of my job. But what my job actually is.). I love teaching JC Mathematics (I sincerely find it very cool.) but it ends when I come home. And I really have zero desire to climb the ladder (Which involves doing a lot of stuff that doesn't include teaching.), which I guess is the reason why I find myself in a very disposable position.

There are things that I want to do, but they are risky and I'm not much of a risk-taker. I'm scared of failing and I'm scared that if I went all out and I failed, I would have wasted a huge chunk of my life and I would be too old to rectify anything. But I also know that if I carried on with this road, I would die very sad.

I know how much this sounds like a spoilt kid with a first world problem. I do know, so I'm really sorry but this is my space. And I'm going to use it to figure out what I want to do with my life. Also, I'm not really a figure so I still can be a little selfish. Heh.

Where blogging is concerned... It has always been a huge part of my life. But there was a point when I felt that all my daily ramblings were frivolous and switched to writing about beauty. Then, I got all caught up in the whole beauty-blogger business and I felt like I 'lost' myself even more. And this is why I haven't been blogging much and why I'm penning this down now.

I want to write again. No matter how frivolous it seems to be, this is my space and I want to write for myself. I want to embark on all my little projects again and I want this space to be a journal of all my little 'messes'.

So yeah. Like what P told me, do what you want but make sure it's from your heart. Here's to courage, more courage and even more courage. x


No comments

Post a Comment

© xoxo, charlene. All rights reserved.
Blogger Template Designed by pipdig